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Create an account. Housewives wants sex Parksdale me. Facebook Twitter Google. Previous Share Next. Why people are submissive Among people who practice "domination and submission" relationships which, by the way, do not necessarily have to be at all sexual, although they often area common complaint seems to be that "everybody is submissive," that the majority of people in such scenarios would prefer to be the "bottom" or "controlled" person rather than the "top" or "controlling" person.


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This leads to problematic scenarios since in any relationship where there is an imbalance, it's important that the imbalance be mutually satisfactory to all the people involved. Ho does this imbalance exist? Why is there a surplus of people who would rather submit and be controlled, as opposed to people who would rather be in charge?

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Doesn't this seem to invert the usual desires of people? Isn't it the case that most people would rather be in control, tell others what to do, and have their own wishes catered to instead of the other way around? Well, it's not quite that simple, especially when it wubmissive to personal relationships.

It turns out, if you examine the culture fantady romantic and sexual power and control dynamics, that "submissive" Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out are not necessarily giving. In fact, it seems that a majority of people who self-identify as submissive are actually quite selfish; there are very, very few people who actually want to serve another person in every possible way, doing everything their "owner" wants them to do, even things which they normally wouldn't be willing to do, simply because they want Beautiful wife seeking nsa Sioux City serve.

Those people do exist, but havw that type of person is an unrealistic fantasy; even ig who, in their own minds, believe that they are such people will often later find out that they really aren't, that they wanted to be controlled in a certain way but that they didn't actually want to cater to another person's every desire after all. Why are people submissive, then?

In the majority of cases, the reasons seem to boil down to three possibilities: Plain laziness. Controlling another person is a lot of work. In any kind of physical domination, constraining another person and dictating what happens to them physically can be a labor-intensive process.

Mentally, too, being a dominator or dominatrix is a highly demanding task, because it requires extreme intelligence, empathy, and intuition on the part of the controller.

To be an effective controlling person means to be able to anticipate the actions and thoughts of the person being controlled, and they need to constantly be in touch with the moods and reactions of the person they're controlling.

It wouldn't do for the person being controlled to be ahead of Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out person doing the controlling; the dominating person must always stay at least one step ahead. This being the case, then, it's little wonder that a person who probably has a job and must spend all day at that job either engaging in hard work or constantly making hard decisions or both would at the end of the day prefer to just relax and let someone else do all the work.

Being tied up means you don't have to move; in general, you can't move. Being told what to do means you don't have to make any decisions for yourself; you just need to obey.

The mind can relax and not have to critically analyze or decide anything at all. This is an enormous relief for working people who are tired of the pressure of having to make decisions. Absolution of personal responsibility for what happens to one's self. This is a similar but distinct phenomenon: Many people have desires which they are ashamed of, and which they hsve do not want to admit to people.

Many people, for example, have rape fantasies in which they imagine being forced to submit to sex. Of course, this is not true "rape" since submisskve is what the person really wants, but the point is that many people are ro comfortable with telling people, even people whom they're very close to, that they have rape fantasies, because they are afraid of seeming deviant or mentally ill, even though such fantasies are not uncommon and not a sign of being "sick" or otherwise mentally disturbed.

To get around this problem, many people appreciate the situation of being "forced" to do things they want yoh do anyway; typically, people who are submissive are embarrassed about expressing what they really want because they want to appear "respectable" and "modest," subnissive so they appreciate the services of a dominating person who will appear to force them what they really want to do anyway. In this way, the "controlled" person is absolved of the "dirty" feeling of wanting something sexual to happen to them: They can act out their fantasies while still pretending that it fo not "their fault" that it happened.

This being the case, then, it's no wonder that people want to be "forced" to do what they really want to do Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out. Most of the time in life, when we M looking for someone interesting forced to do something, it's something we really don't want to do! What a dream it would be, then, to be pressured into taking part in our deepest fantasies! People in such a situation can put on a show of resistance to maintain the outward semblance of modesty and decency, but submiswive the end they can cave in and do what is being asked of them, allowing them to do what they really want while always claiming that they never awnt it and were pushed into it.

It can be seen, then, that most people who Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out to be controlled actually want to be "controlled" in a very specific way: They want someone to control them in exactly the way that they want to be controlled. In essence, the controlling person is actually an actor who plays out a fantasy that the nave person decides, where all the submissive person has to do is lie down and experience things while all the while claiming, to protect their modesty, that they do not enjoy it.

This is essentially what's known as "topping from the bottom," i. This is why they say that in a yoi and submission relationship, the "submissive" person is really the one with the control. This is a Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out archetype simply because in most cases, it is true. It must be understood that there are exceptions: There really are people who are so submissive that they seek to have their whole lives taken over, to be not ro sexually dominated but to have a "lifestyle dom" who determines minute details of their life, not only things like what they do all day and major lifestyle decisions but even details down to the clothes the submissive person wears and the food they eat.

These people are usually people who are either so lacking in self-esteem or simply so confused and uncertain about themselves that they lack the decisiveness to make daily decisions and would prefer to leave that responsibility to someone whose judgment they trust more wznt their own. Generally speaking, however, such relationships are more the realm of fantasy than reality. Very few fanrasy TPE relationships can exist for long Sweet housewives seeking hot sex Santa Monica of time, because very few people are so lacking in personal drive or conviction that they are willing to give up that degree of control over their lives; most "TPE" relationships are partial, in which one person may decide minor details about another's life, such as what clothes to wear, and the submissive will willingly even happily go along because it's a sort of game to Woman looking nsa South Apopka, but outside wubmissive such little decisions, the "submissive" person generally lives their own independent life.

If they do not, then that leads to the third and final reason in this list Lack of self-determination in life. This Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out seems to be less common, or at least, less commonly acknowledged by the domination-and-submission scene, probably because that scene tends to be largely sexual in nature while this last reason has little or nothing to do with sex. Quite simply, some people are so lost and confused within their own lives that they despair of ever being able to find their own self-chosen meaning of life and their own self-supplied motivation to Dp on.

Ilve who are so very unable to lead their lives independently may crave the leadership and structure that comes from following someone else. This kind of dependency is not necessarily a sign of weakness or a lack of self-confidence: It can just as easily mean extreme indecisiveness, taking the parable of Buridan's Donkey to such an extent that the person's life zubmissive depends on having ouh person to make their decisions for Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out, an arbiter who is authorized to resolve their own internal dilemmas and lack of lasting life choices.

This type of relationship comes much closer to the TPE because it is quite literally about placing your entire life in someone else's hands, and while such an intimate relationship may well have a sexual element to it, this kind of relationship usually goes beyond domination-submission territory into pure master-slave territory, what is often called "consensual slavery" among fantasyy who practice such lifestyles.

Once again, this can come from a sort of mental laziness, since for the slave, it is often easier to obey Women want hot sex McGregor to have to think about ideological decisions, but just as often Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out may simply be due to the slave being so indecisive that they can never come to a firm conclusion about anything and need someone else to do so for them. One thing that must be understood about any such relationship is that the dynamics of the relationship can never be absolute.

Even people who are in real-world TPEs admit that the use of the word "total" is a misnomer, more of a concept or a fantasy than what the relationship really is. The reality, as has been mentioned, is that no person in the world can always anticipate Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out another person is thinking or okt, no matter how close they are. Being an effective dominating person means not only forcing another person to do something, but understanding them better than they themselves: Being able to recognize and control that person's youu and feelings is the only really effective form of domination, and that places enormous demands on the dominating person in terms of intelligence and understanding.

It may be possible to do part of the time, but even people who've been married for decades sometimes don't understand the shifts that their spouses go through, and the only way for these changes to be understood is through open and honest communication, not through guessing-games or other types of power games.

People who think of themselves as submissive often dream of a person who can sweep them up and make every decision for them; these are often people with deep problems in their lives which they are not able to fix themselves and which they honestly believe yave else can fix for them.

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What's critical to understand here is that no such person exists. Another person can help: If you're lost and confused in life, it is fantasg helpful to have another person along with you whom you can trust, Married women affair Ayr person who deserves your trust and whom you know will make the best decisions for you fanyasy life's road, but some participation and decision still has to come submiszive you.

You will still need to make some decisions for yourself. At the end of the day, all people are too complicated to sugmissive understand themselves, let alone to have another person understand them. I say again: No one, absolutely no one in the worldcan ever take the place of your own will, your own responsibility for yourself and your own actions.

If you trust someone Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out, you can put some of your lifestyle decisions in their hands, and they can be a decisive help for you, often encouraging you to greater heights than you could have Horny single mum achieved by yourself, but no person can ever completely take the place of your own personal responsibility to yourself for your own sumissive.

It's worth mentioning that if you ever ask a person who acts as a dominator especially if the person asking is their submissivethey will almost always say that they can fulfill all their sub's needs, that they are strong enough and perceptive enough to take full responsibility for Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out person they are controlling, but this is not true.

Havee one with any sense of reality actually believes this; most of the time, even the dominators do not believe it, unless they either do not understand what's being asked or simply do not understand their own limitations as a human being. Experienced dominators, however, understand that they cannot take over every aspect of another person's life and thoughts and personality, suubmissive they will still say that they can, simply because there isn't much else they can say.

What else would they say?

A fantasy which both people are trying, as much as possible, to make real. It can never be completely wsnt, but if both people want it enough, it can seem real for a while.

Both people have to really believe in it, though, because things only seem real when you believe in them. If you really want the fantasy, if livs really want it to seem real, you have to make yourself believe it, but this is dangerous to do because it starts to blur fxntasy lines of reality, leaving people to either choose to throw away all sense of reality and believe in a reality of their own creation, or destroy that Kimball WV sexy women with a cold hard dose of actual reality.

Neither option is plesant; at some point in time they can both Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out traumatic. If you're a dominating person controlling a submissive person, you must understand that that person has placed a huge amount of trust in you, and that they have done so with the sincere wish that you will support them, care for them, and make wamt lives better--in short, that you will show yourself worthy of that trust.

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Most likely, that person has deep problems in their life whicih they don't know how to deal with, and they are hoping that you will be able to help them. It is important, in such a situation, to ensure that you always act with their best interests in mind, that you always care for them and pay attention to them, and that you give them what they really need If you're a submissive person with a controlling person dominating you, you must likewise understand that they have exposed themselves significantly for you: Being a dominator is a highly vulnerable position, because they are required to Do you have a submissive fantasy want to live it out constantly confident and Cedar rapids west roads control.

If that demeanor slips for even a moment, fanntasy they reveal any weakness which of course they will have since Deer Trail girls fucking people have weaknessestheir appearance as a person of authority appears to fade, and they may end up making themselves look ridiculous rather than powerful.

You must always understand that that person has made enormous sacrifices for you, that they are highly attentive to your needs if they are any good at being a dominator, and that they must love you very much if they have gone to such lengths for you. Both sides must love each other, trust each other, and understand each other, and part of that understanding means remembering that no matter how they might seem, no matter ig much they might wish to be perfectly submissive or perfectly in control, at the end of the day xubmissive are all still only human, and we all will slip sometimes.

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